Shit Just Got Real

i’ve been officially unemployed since June 30, don’t remember if i ever said that was my separation date. well, we’re separated. me and work broke up after a long-term relationship. chances are slim we’ll be making up and getting back together.

it’s ok though, it was a mutual understanding, but, it’s just, well, work changed the locks after i left *really* fast. i didn’t get all my personal digital files because it turned out i needed a lot more room than my flash drive–like portable hard drive size.

when i came back two days later, late in the afternoon, everyone was packing up to go home for shortened summer hours. it was just me and my old computer.

that was when i found out. i was really moved out. no matter what i did, i couldn’t log on to the place where i had my files stored. i could log onto my same computer, i could log onto my same email, but wow, ZERO server access. and that’s the moment shit just got real.

my head was all swishy and swimmy like when you get a lot of water in your ears swimming. i didn’t feel attached to the earth, and my eyes stung. i made it home to husband and started scream crying “it won’t let me in they already locked me out they must have been waiting to pounce on my account at the moment i walked out the door husband i’m unemployed husband i don’t work there anyyymorrre!!!”

he said, “you knew this was coming; this is what you wanted.” (he’ logistically supportive but not very often emotionally so.)

i cried and cried, despite, yeah, i probably should have expected to get bounced out of encrypted information.

after i got myself together and quit crying, i paced around the house saying, “I’m. Unemployed. Shit is real: I’m. Unemployed.”

yeah, so, i’m really unemployed. holy fuck.